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1:15 we'll let those sounds bring back some memories if you will uh maybe fumbling to get to your locker open maybe you're scrambling to get to class or you're trying to find the right seat at the table during lunch it's a tough season to go back to oh i don't know seventh eighth ninth grade there was so much that uh that we experienced then and school for today's kids is really hard during this time, and everything is new and intimidating, and it just seems like it's on steroids for middle schoolers. Today's guests on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly are former teachers and authors, Sue Acuna and Cynthia Tobias, and they're going to equip you to understand and support your middle school child through all the pressures they're facing. Yeah, yesterday we talked

2:00 Voz 4 about the physical and emotional changes middle schoolers go through and some crucial conversations conversations to have with them it is a normal time to back up as a parent because you're trying to give them space but i think middle schoolers what we heard yesterday is to lean in make sure they feel listened to heard that you have good dialogue with them that things are open and honest and that you don't have all the answers that you really need to hear your kids and respect them if you missed it last time get the app download it listen in with us there was so much good content last time. And, you know, here at Focus on the Family, we're here to help you through that journey. That's why we published this book, Middle School, The Inside Story. Here's the great part that Cynthia and Sue, the byline, which is what kids tell us but don't tell you. They did a bunch of research. They're both school teachers. They went out, talked to students. Where are they at? What are they feeling? What are they sensing? And we're going to cover the other part of that today. Sue and Cynthia, welcome back to Focus on the Family. Good to have you again.

3:03 Voz 3 Good to be here. Thank you.

3:04 Voz 4 Well, let's get rolling. I mean, I think we piqued the interest last time. I remember those middle school years and they were just so unique. Let me say it that way. Cynthia, what are some tips for parents who are trying to communicate with middle schoolers? I've heard parents describe it like I'm from Earth and my middle schooler is from Mars. It's like we're talking a different language. We don't really connect. We don't communicate. communicate. So how do we as the adult do a better job in creating a way for that to happen

3:34 Voz 3 in a healthier direction? One of my favorite stories that they told us, and I think we were both a little bit surprised, but we said, you know, your parents worry that they don't know what's going on in your life and they're not sure who your friends are and you don't want to talk to them. You don't want to tell them what it is. And one honest middle schooler said, well, Well, if you really want the tip, he said, volunteer to be the carpool driver. And then don't say anything. Don't react. Don't say anything. And pretty soon, everybody forgets you're there, and you find out a whole lot of stuff. And don't react to it. And we found out that that really works.

4:14 Voz 4 Well, how can it not work? But, you know, some of the parents, let's face it, we all have temperaments. I can just envision a parent mom or dad who feels this burden to correct to teach to admonish I mean it's part of what we do and you're telling me not to say a word Cynthia how do I do that how do you catch yourself as the adult and frame that emotional moment to say okay bite your tongue bite your tongue bite your tongue especially if that's hard for you well sure but Sue makes a

4:50 Voz 3 a good point when she tells her parents look you're moving from parent to manager in some ways you you used to do all the telling what you wear where you go but when you get into middle school

5:04 Voz 4 it really becomes more a management you talk in the in the book about you know these moments of of i don't know reflection but one is where you recommend a parent respond appropriately if their child complains about the amount of homework they have what child does not complain i mean i'm thinking that's every parent so when that child complains i've got so much homework to do tonight what's a good thing to say is the parent oh i remember that feeling or which is empathy right

5:37 Voz 3 yeah i just preach as opposed to what as opposed to well you better get started yeah you're gonna going to do that before dinner yeah or right you better do that before you go outside so you better you don't have a choice if you want to get that grade it's the same thing i want my husband to say if i come home and say do you have a lot of work tonight i want him to say well you better do it now that's a great tonal quality to run it i want him to have some empathy and say that's a bummer yeah do you need to do you need a snack first can i get you something boy that's a very They all would appreciate that, too. Tone.

6:10 Voz 4 Yeah, one is far more encouraging than the other, more directive, commanding, demanding, right?

6:15 Voz 3 And one communicates understanding. Yeah. Boy, that's good. And you're trying to model that. Yeah. So that that's how they'll pick up how to treat others.

6:23 Voz 4 Okay, Cynthia, here's the bomb question. What are the most common mistakes parents tend to make in communicating with their middle schoolers? And you have a list. I got it in front of me. Let me hit it, and you can respond. on interrupting downplaying feelings yelling using always and never uh not really listening belittling in front of others being judgmental solving their problems being sarcastic let me get these check check check okay yep i think i did all of those and i thought i was a pretty good

6:53 Voz 3 parent but this is convicting and we've spent a lot of years making sure they're happy and it's hard to give up that feeling of i need to make you happy all the time yeah and they they don't want that. They don't want you to solve their problems. They want you to understand what they're going

7:07 Voz 4 through. And hopefully a wise spouse. You're not saying, yeah, every time she does this, she breaks a glass. I mean, that's not the way we speak in marriage.

7:14 Voz 3 They're very much responding like adults. And I think that's where the tension comes with parents and middle schoolers is they're still thinking of them as five-year-olds and they're feeling very much like adults. Middle schoolers are inside. Well, and I think that's probably the biggest

7:27 Voz 4 biggest aha of this whole program today and last time is just start you have to start treating them like adults right and it's time and that's the best best outcome you could have how can parents sue i'll aim this at you how can parents help erase the stress of kids who are nervous about the transition from elementary school to junior high i mean boys let's put this in a boy's context girls. The frightening thing going from sixth grade to seventh grade is PE. Because now you're getting dressed, you're putting on certain garments in PE, you're going out. I mean, I remember one of my first experiences going from junior high to high school. And this guy, as an experiment of his, I'm standing behind him. And Glenn was his name. And he's a friend. And he's a believer now. He wasn't then. Thank you, Glenn. But he was standing in front of me. And he was a grade ahead of me and he was a swimmer he he had muscles where i had no muscles and he turned as he was talking to another guy and he punched me right in the sternum and it cracked my sternum and it was so out like why did you just do that and he continues to talk to the guy going see he's a freshman he hasn't filled out yet like we have we're more filled out i was like just his hanging skeleton there but that's the kind of thing you dread as a boy is now you're the object of a science experiment at PE class about how you're not as developed as the other guy

8:55 Voz 3 and I think it's good for dads to say this is what I looked like in sixth grade but look what I look like in 10th grade lie low I mean that's not bad advice especially if you're a lower classman lie low but it does get better or find even pictures of professional athletes here's what they look like at 13 here's what they look like at 20 hang in there we'll get better I think that's a huge message for middle schoolers, especially junior high.

9:18 Voz 4 You're not always going to look like this, and this is just part of the growth process, and some boys are going to be bigger. Now explain, like the girls, I'll let you explain that, because there's a lot going on for them. Other girls are developing more quickly. It's obvious, and they're feeling like, am I ever going to get there? And, you know, just describe what girls are dealing with.

9:38 Voz 3 And I think the first thing always is, I remember that. I remember that feeling looking around your bodies aren't the same as everybody else. Waited out and even maybe, you know, it's not too young to talk about some kind of a simple age appropriate makeover. Let's talk about what good colors are for you something that's really innocuous as opposed to emphasizing your body shape or something. But what are colors that look good on you? What are lengths that look good on you? Are you more comfortable in skirts or or pants but they're going to be constantly comparing themselves to everybody else how much

10:11 Voz 4 of that are we uh demonstrating or illustrating for our kids you know how much time do we spend in front of the mirror getting our makeup on and how many comments do we make oh i wish i could

10:22 Voz 3 lose 50 pounds i would look so much better so watch what you say yeah good point so true

10:26 Voz 4 cynthia we mentioned homework but let's bring this back i remember trent and i we had such And Gene Trent and I. Such a battle. Because he was really bright. He's finishing his master's in biochemistry. He wants to go on for a Ph.D. in neuro research. But in high school, it's like, I already get A's on the test. Why do I need to do the homework? And we would say, well, 50% of your grade is based on the homework being completed. I know, but I'm good with a C. And I know the concepts. And it's kind of boring to do the homework. We battled that all along. then he got to college knocked out of the park i mean he's up there at like a 3.95 all the way through so like he he knew his desires and knew what he needed to do and it was hard to budge him i would say we struggled all the way through to senior year well you know the important question

11:19 Voz 3 is what's the point right that is what's the point but teachers they they don't they don't go along along with that because they a lot of times well the point is you have to get this and this and this and this in order to get your grades that's very frustrating to a kid who says why should i have to do 25 practice problems when i already know i'm going to get an a on the test and it's it's a true question and it's a legitimate question and um there's no real good solid answer other than we need to change some things i can remember um working with king schools once And a gal who was really, really sharp, fifth grade, sixth grade in that middle school area, she already knew she was going to go to Bryn Mawr and she was going to do all these things. She was just sharp. And one day, she was especially sharp in math. But one day, she just told the teacher, I'm not going to do the homework. And he says, you can't get an A if you don't do the homework. Right. I don't care. He said, it's going to ruin your whole grade point average. I don't care. I don't understand why I have to do this. And so the teacher and I talked, and I said, well, what if you asked her, what if you just tried it and said, how about you do as many answers, as many questions on the homework as you think you need to do in order to prove that you're going to get an A on the test? Oh, that's good.

12:42 And if she gets a, she promises to get a 95% or higher on the test or go back and do more of those problems. And he said, well, but they tried it. and sometimes she did 30 problems and sometimes she did 3 but he said she got an A

13:00 Voz 4 and it does show you need some insight into your child and their learning styles and that's a whole other book that you wrote How Your Kids Learn and that's so important as well

13:12 Voz 2 well this is Focus on the Family with Jim Daly and our guests today are Cynthia Tobias and Sue Acuna and they've collaborated on a book that is essential if you have kids who are approaching the teen years if they're preteens middle school the inside story what kids tell us but don't tell you get a copy from us here at the ministry and when you're online doing that be sure to take our free parenting assessment which helps you understand where you're at in your parenting journey and maybe some things that you can work on these and other resources are going to be found at focus on the family.com broadcast cynthia let me ask you uh some of the

13:51 Voz 4 the red flags we should be aware of when our kids are going into junior high and their time in junior high? Because emotionally, intellectually, things can change because of the environmental pressure on a child. An extroverted child can become quite sullen and withdrawn if there's things going on that we don't even know. So what are some of those red flags we need to pay attention to?

14:12 Voz 3 This is where I really learned a lot from Sue, because I was teaching high school. I was used I'm used to dealing with high school kids who've kind of passed some of those marks. But Sue has a really good handle of it, and I learned a lot. Well, Sue, fill it in. I think two things parents really learn about are depression and eating disorders. So things I watch for would be kids who withdraw more than usual. Kids want their own space, but if they're constantly alone and they won't answer your questions, what's going on, nothing, I don't want to talk about it, that's a concern if it keeps happening. I mean, maybe they're having a bad day, but if this is going on for weeks and you can see their eating habits have changed, maybe they're not eating at all, then you know something's really wrong. One sure sign of an eating disorder is wearing big baggy clothes or taking little nibbly bites. You have to be aware. And for parents today, a lot of times that means coming off your phone and really taking a look at your kid and see what's going on.

15:09 Voz 4 And being engaged. Maybe not affirming how skinny they are.

15:14 Voz 3 Or even commenting on it. Or even commenting. My daughter-in-law has taught me, make no comments about your weight or anybody else's weight. Just don't even make it a topic. Wow, that's good. That's really different from how we grew up, huh?

15:25 Voz 4 You know, one of the things that, again, with social media is new, and I'm not sure we as parents know how to manage this well, and we're hearing more about it, and it puts a lot of fear into us as parents, is kids that are taken into a friend group, and then they're bullied. And then even where comments are made, you should just kill yourself. And a handful of kids have done it, and it gets into the news, obviously. It's horrible. But how do you have that kind of a discussion with your daughter or your son about what can occur in that cyber world and the pain in it and the viciousness of it. I mean, we don't want to heap a bunch of anxiety under our children, but how do we manage that?

16:15 Voz 3 Odds are pretty good that they know someone who has already gone through this, and that would be a good, more neutral question to ask. Hey, do you know any of your friends who have been bullied online or who are really depressed about it? And then they can start talking about it, which gives you a chance to talk about what we should do if that ever happens to you. And like I said, it's hard to admit that you're being bullied, but even to come and say I don't like what this person is saying but also parents need to monitor phone use this is one of the hardest things for parents is to not let them take their phone their smart watch, their iPad into the bedroom without some rules some limitations, you wouldn't let a stranger show up at your door, say I want to go talk to your daughter in her bedroom, you wouldn't let that happen but she could absolutely do that on her phone and one of the things about suicide the discoveries I made both as being a police officer but then also with the kids a lot of times at that age they don't think it's actually permanent they think they're gonna kill themselves and everybody will be sorry and then they'll come back and everything will be okay because and I was blown away by that but there is that there is that mentality out there if if you haven't as a parent talked to them and established that relationship especially with Christ and and with with eternity and they may just decide, well, I'll just kill myself and they'll be sorry and then I'll come back when I feel like it. Darrell Bock Yeah.

17:40 Voz 4 I mean, building up that plan and purpose. This is a good place to mention our counseling department. So I mean, this is a very serious topic, but it is present and we wanted to make sure we at least touch on that. So if you're struggling in any area of the parenting journey, especially around the middle school years, but any form or shape in your parenting, give us a call. We have free counselors. They'll talk with you for 30 to 60 minutes and give you some perspective. They may even refer to a counselor in your area that you could pick up the discussion with. So know that that's here. That's part of what donors fund at Focus on the Family. Take advantage of it to make sure that you have some perspective. Let me throw this question out here. Discipling your children can look very different at different stages. I mean, you know, elementary school, you got the little book and you're trying to do things. What does middle school discipleship look like within the family?

18:36 Voz 3 You model it. This is where it's really important. I know growing up, my sister and I, at supper time, after supper, we always had a devotional book and the scripture when we prayed. My dad was adamant about that. And when we went through even the real awkward time, that was an anchor, and that's really important. The other thing that I found was interesting, Stu talked about, you know, when parents, the middle schoolers pull away, and they don't want to have hugs, and they don't want to have all that kid stuff. She said that they still do desperately want the touch and need the touch. So, you can sometimes sit on the couch and just let your legs sort of touch theirs. And nobody says anything, no big deal, but it's still a connection that says, I see you, I love you, I'm not going to bug you, but you're still really important to me. Yeah.

19:35 Voz 4 Speak to me a minute, kind of broadly, to the elementary parenting, the middle school parenting, and the high school parenting. You guys, you know, you taught, I think, two of those. Cynthia, you with high school teaching, Sue with junior high. So we've kind of touched on it, but really to be black and white for parents, maybe they have their kids in elementary school right now. What does that look like as they move through? Very concrete things, like in junior high, your parenting needs to shift. You've touched on it, but here at the end, I want to make sure parents are grabbing it so that they understand. High school is yet another kind of distancing to allow them independence, independence making good decisions etc so go for it sue yesterday cynthia mentioned that you want

20:20 Voz 3 to become more of a manager so imagine you're training a new employee elementary school you've got to tell them everything they don't know anything middle school junior high they're starting to get it you can kind of check in with them we'll have some guidelines high school you've got to let them try it on their own but you're still there as their fail safe if something goes wrong yeah so you've got to slowly back away like we said work yourself out of a job give them some independence let them try it be there when it goes wrong be there to hold them together

20:48 Voz 4 again this gives you structure in how to think about doing this so it's not just emotional it's not flippant as the parent do it because i told you so i mean that's a terrible thing to say

20:59 Voz 3 in fact one of the one of the biggest complaints was they interrupt me and they won't they get mad if i interrupt them or they're looking at their phone and they're talking to me and i'm starting trying to tell them something and they just interrupt me and that it's that modeling the other thing i wanted to say which is really obvious but really important middle schoolers they need more sleep yeah they have to have sleep and i you know that we start school at with the bus picking them up at 6 a.m and it's difficult because the lack of sleep affects

21:32 Voz 4 everything and they're growing i mean that's why they need to sleep yes the growth is going on

21:37 Voz 2 Yeah. And Cynthia, you're mentioning modeling. This has come up a couple of times in the conversation. But just real quick, talk to the parent that thinks my job really is going to be awesome when I'm cool to my kids in middle school. I want to be the cool parent.

21:53 Voz 3 Well, just again, switch that. Do you think it's cool when your kids act like that? Is that what you really want them to be acting like? It doesn't make sense.

22:03 Voz 2 Okay. So don't try to be cool. Be the adult in the room.

22:08 Voz 3 No, they think you're a dork. You're trying to be cool. Well, and if you ask them, whose parent is cool? Oh, so-and-so's parent. What makes them cool? Then you know. And they'll say things like they know when not to use our language. They understand our language, but they know when not to use it. Or they don't try and dress like us, but they don't dress dorky. Kids will tell you what you need to know to be cool.

22:28 Voz 4 Let me ask you this. Even though it might not seem like your junior high or wants to engage you, Barna research and others says that my parents' influence is what's most important to me. I mean, it seems like counterintuitive, right? Because they're so connected to friends and culture at that time that they're trying to kind of get through all that. But again, the research is showing us that kids believe the most important relationship in their life is their parents still, even through high school. I mean, most of us are going, what? That doesn't make sense. But it shows you that core connection, doesn't it?

23:05 Voz 3 I know we're both thinking the same thing here. Our point is they will always need you, but they need you differently. Not less, differently. They don't need as much control. They need more understanding. They still need guidance. They absolutely still need your comfort and reassurance. Yeah.

23:21 Voz 4 I don't know about everybody watching and listening, but I tend to learn by my mistakes and by other people's mistakes. I mean, I just, I observe that and say, okay, I don't want to repeat that. If I can keep from repeating that. You had a mom come up to you after a seminar, Cynthia. It fits this category for me because she was so frustrated with her rebellious teen daughter. How did that conversation go? And what did you say?

23:49 Voz 3 She was ultra frustrated. She said, I just don't understand. My daughter doesn't do anything I say. And I've told her over and over again what she's supposed to do and she doesn't do it she doesn't do what i tell her to and i am the boss and she won't respect me and she won't do it she said i've just about had it can you tell me she said and stopped see that girl over there standing i looked and there's this arms folded sullen girl she goes that's my daughter can you tell me how to make her love me again is there a point of no return hopefully not but you can't make your kids love you again you can't you have to earn it and you have to do a lot of the things we're talking about here and especially the the barking orders they're doing that it doesn't work you know i i

24:40 Voz 4 want to be mindful of that parent that may be going oh my goodness that's me that's what i've done what can they do differently now after hearing this they feel that conviction conviction's a good thing what can they do sue differently now tonight admit it admit it to your child what

25:00 Voz 3 does that sound like play that out for me i think maybe i've been a little bit too bossy not giving you enough credit for what you're capable of doing so if if you want me to change one thing just give me one thing because i can't completely change myself but what's one thing you would like like me to do differently? And then wait. Parents have a tendency to want to answer their own questions. So they'll say, what can I do differently? Do you want me to do this? Do I do that? Ask the question and wait. And at first, they might say nothing. No, I really think there's something just wait. Silence is a huge tool for building communication. Just wait. And there's one really short word you can listen for and make this agreement with your child to say if i say something that's really off or you know just say ouch yeah and why i don't understand why you can't just do what i tell you to do ouch that's good what what did i then then you get i didn't mean i didn't mean it you know i just let's let's do a do-over yeah um i like that yeah yeah

26:01 Voz 4 it's kind of a catch word to say okay this isn't going in a good way it hurts i like that i like I might use that, even with my 20-somethings now. This has been so good, and I want to encourage you that there's more. The book is full of material, things we weren't able to touch on. Excellent stuff. Also, we have the Seven Traits of Effective Parenting Assessment that I'd love to have you take. It's absolutely free. It takes probably about seven to ten minutes. It'll show you the things that you're doing well and some areas to improve in. There'll be some resources recommended that can help you in those weaker spots. thoughts. But what a great assessment to be able to do and to be able to know what I need to strengthen my parenting skills in. That's a good thing to do. And of course, picking up the book is another good thing to do. Middle school, the inside story, what kids tell us, but don't tell you. And if you make a gift of any amount, we'll send you the book as our way of saying thank you for being part of the ministry. You can do that monthly or a one-time gift. Also, don't forget our Caring Christian counselors are here to help you. If you're hitting the wall and you've heard this, maybe you feel guilty and you don't know what to do now. Call our counseling team. They'll set up a time to get back with you, and they'll walk you through some additional things you can do. In terms of supporting the ministry, last year alone we helped 80,000 parents through a crisis. Do you want to be part of that? Why don't we work on hitting 100,000 for next year? So join us in this journey, helping parents to build a home that loves the Lord, they love each

27:31 other. Won't we have a better culture if that's the case? I think the answer is yes.

27:36 Voz 2 Yeah. Donate monthly as you can, or make a one-time gift of any amount. And we'll send the book by Cynthia and Sue called Middle School, The Inside Story, What Kids Tell Us, But Don't Tell You. And then of course, the resources that Jim has mentioned, all available at our website, and that's focusonthefamily.com slash broadcast.

27:54 Voz 4 Cynthia and Sue, thanks again for being with us. This is so good. I wish I could turn the clock back and be in junior high as a parent again. But you only get that one shot. And this is

28:04 Voz 2 really helpful. Thank you. Thank you. Well, coming up next time, I wonder if you're ready

28:10 Voz 1 for storms in your marriage. Just the way that life works, even for believers, and sometimes I think especially for believers, the storm is going to hit. And at that point, will your marriage be part of the problem or part of the solution.

28:26 Voz 6 And that's why you want to prepare.

28:28 Voz 2 And thanks for listening to Focus on the Family with Jim Daley. I'm John Fuller inviting you back as we once again help you and your family thrive in Christ.

28:45 Voz 4 I feel like I blinked and now my newborn can walk and talk.

28:48 Voz 3 Kids change so fast, don't they?

28:51 Voz 6 It can be hard to keep up with each new phase.

28:53 Voz 4 That's why I love Focus on the Family's Age and Stage newsletter.

28:58 Voz 6 Each week, I get an email with resources curated by experts. They're full of biblically and clinically-based tips tailored to your child, no matter what age they are.

29:07 Voz 5 You can sign up today at MyKidsAge.com.

29:10 Voz 2 That's MyKidsAge.com.

29:15 Voz 4 This is Word to the Wise with Dr. William Blocker, President of the College of Biblical Studies.

29:20 Voz 5 Historians report that artists in the early church were tempted to make their living from the production of idols.

29:25 Voz 3 Some justified their actions by saying they must live.

29:29 Voz 5 The early church pastor Tertullian responded with a probing question, must you live? Hebrews 12.4 exhorts believers not to grow weary in living for Christ. It says, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood and you're striving against sin.

29:46 Voz 3 If you feel like compromising your faith is the only option in some situations, here is a word to the wise. Compromise kills, but the one who would rather lose his life than sin will truly live.

30:00 Voz 4 Word to the Wise with Dr. William Blocker is a service of the College of Biblical Studies.

30:04 Voz 2 For more information, contact us at 713-77-BIBLE or cbshouston.edu.

30:32 Voz 4 K-E-R-I, Bakersfield.

30:34 Voz 2 You can never be too young to start worshiping more. Caring, real, deep, and true. Staying in church kept her in school, out of trouble, and away from boys.

30:53 Voz 6 with personal integrity. Today on Turning Point, Dr. David Jeremiah reveals what wise King Solomon had to say about these issues and how we ought to conduct ourselves before those in authority. From powerful principles from Proverbs, here's David to introduce today's message, Power Up the Wise, Proverbs for the Powerful.

31:15 Voz 5 And here we go again from the book of Proverbs, we're talking about wisdom, and wisdom deals with practical things. We're not high in the sky by and by. We're here today on the subjects that we face. And one of the subjects that you heard introduced today was the subject of drinking. What does a leader do with alcohol? Interesting subject, especially in this day in which we live. We'll talk about that in just a moment as we open our Bibles to the book of Proverbs. If you have been listening the last two or three days, you know that we have chosen as our resource for the month of August a redemptive history and a prophetic destiny of the nation of Israel. Why does Israel matter so much to God, and why should it matter to you? Well, in this book, we'll bring clarity to one of the most debated subjects in Scripture, what biblical insight and pastoral wisdom has to say about Israel. I want you to have this book because I think this is really an important issue. If we are not careful, we are going to be on the wrong side of Israel as a nation, and you see it happening if you're not careful. Anti-Semitism is on the rise in our nation in a way none of us could have imagined. Let's be clear as Christians about what the Bible says and how we should stand for this nation that God brought into existence. I was seven years old when this nation became a nation,

32:44 and I've lived throughout the entire time of Israel's current nationhood and I want you to know what I've learned from the Bible about this subject. Ask for your copy of God's Heart for Israel when you send your gift to Turning Point today. Here's today's edition of Turning Point from the Word of God. Open your heart to receive it. Let's begin.

33:12 some guidelines from the book of proverbs that we need to be aware of because this book is so filled with truth and it touches us in every part of our life if we ignore the truth in this book we will be diminished in our effectiveness and we will be sorry when we look back on our life the book of proverbs differs from any other book in the bible it's not history it's not poetry it's not rhapsody it's not prophecy it's not law it's not ritual it's not story it's not dogma it is classified among the wisdom literature of the old testament but it's even very different from all of the rest of the wisdom literature for a proverb is a pithy saying that usually is unconnected from anything else in the passage where it is found the proverbs were designed designed primarily for the young, and they fall into the pattern of the teaching process where they used repetition to drive home truths so that people would remember them. I suppose you could think of some of the Proverbs that we have in our culture today, like a stitch in time saves nine, or loose lips sink ships. I heard that one not long ago. We're going to look at some of the

34:35 proverbs for the powerful proverbs for those in authority and those in government this is a viewpoint you will never hear anyplace else except right here that God has something to say about how we govern and how we follow government and what kind of people should be in government Solomon's day was not much different than ours his advice for kings is good advice for all those those who seek to occupy any place of responsibility in the government. Now, there are three sections that we're going to look at in the Proverbs that have to do with those who govern. First of all, we're going to talk about the proper conduct of rulers and authorities. And then we're going to talk about what our response to rulers and authorities ought to be. And then we're going to talk about this from God's perspective as we look at the whole landscape together. so let's begin with the proper conduct of rulers and authorities and you'll be interested in some of the things that Solomon writes about when he talks about rulers and authorities let's just start off with one of the most controversial rulers and wine proverbs 31 4 & 5 says this it is not for Kings o Lemuel it is not for Kings to drink wine nor for princes intoxicating drink lest they they drink and forget the law and pervert the justice of all the afflicted. Proverbs 21 adds,

36:05 wine is a mocker, strong drink is a brawler, and whosoever is led astray by it is not wise. And here's a very graphic passage in the book of Proverbs chapter 23, beginning at verse 29. Who has woe and who has sorrow? Who has contentions? Who has complaints? who has wounds without cause, who has redness of eyes, those who linger long at the wine, those who go in search of mixed wine. And if you read the rest of that chapter, you'll discover that those who are given to this excess find the following things popping up in their lives, poverty, misery, immorality, and instability. All of those things the Proverbs say are the result result of drunkenness. These words take away the glamour of loose living. They remind us that a ruler has better things to do than to anesthetize himself. The Japanese have a proverb that goes like this, first a man takes a drink, then a drink takes a drink, and then the drink takes the man. So often that's what happens, not just in the political realm. But I have read that the ratio show of drinking and alcoholism inside the beltway is more than twice the average of the United

37:31 States. The number of cocktail parties and the number of opportunities for drunkenness are multiplied in the fast-paced life of the political world. And the Bible simply says that a man who leads should not be a man given a strong drink. He should be a person of sobriety, a sober person. there's a story in the book of daniel about a man by the name of belshazzar who was the grandson of nebuchadnezzar and what we read in this chapter in the book of daniel sounds like it could be a modern day report it's found in the fifth chapter of daniel verses one and two and then verses four through six and follow along as i read belshazzar the king made a great feast for a a thousand of his lords and he drank wine in the presence of the thousand while he tasted the wine belshazzar gave the command to bring the gold and the silver vessels which his father nebuchadnezzar had taken from the temple which had been in jerusalem that the king and his lords his wives and his concubines might drink from them and they drank the wine verse four and praised the gods of gold and silver bronze and iron wood and stone and in the same hour the fingers of a man's hand appeared and wrote opposite the lampstand on the plaster of the wall of the king's palace and the king saw the part of the hand that wrote listen to what happened to him and the king's

39:00 countenance changed and his thoughts troubled him so that the joints of his hips were loosened and his knees knocked together against each other even in his drunkenness he knew something something miraculous was going on when the hand wrote on the wall we haven't time to tell that whole story but you know that what that hand was writing was that this was the end of his kingdom he had taken the holy vessels that had been brought from the temple and he had used them desecratingly in a drunken party honoring the pagan gods and so we should not be surprised to look down in our bibles in the fifth chapter of the book of daniel and in verses 30 and 31 and read that that very night, Belshazzar, king of the Chaldeans, was slain, and Darius the Mede received the kingdom, being about 62 years old. Now, I'm not saying that everyone who gets drunk ends up like Belshazzar, but here's an illustration from the Old Testament of the abuse of wine in the public place to the ruin and destruction of a political leader. I have no statistics nor no no personal stories to tell you. I'm just telling you what the Bible says, that that has no place in the life of someone you trust with the leadership of great responsibility. And while we're being controversial, I have to be very careful here. Let me talk with you for a

40:25 moment about rulers and women. It says in chapter 31 of Proverbs and verse three, do not give your strength to women nor your ways to that which destroys kings. We have read all of the stories in these past years about the philandering of some of our presidents. We've had to watch the degrading of the office of the president because of that. Solomon was right when he said that such a lifestyle destroys a king. When we look to the Bible and we see King David violating his his principles of purity in the relationship that he had with Bathsheba. What we don't often see is the chaos that this caused the nation later on in his life. David paid fourfold for his sin. And in the closing days of David's reign, when he should have been enjoying the prosperity that his wisdom had provided, he was fighting off the domestic battles of his own home because of what had happened to him in his relationship with Bathsheba. and his son Solomon the human writer of many of the proverbs demonstrated this sinful human weakness in his life the bible tells us in first kings chapter 11 verse 1 verses 3 and 4 that he loved many foreign women as well as the daughter of pharaoh women of the moabites and the ammonites and the edomites and the sidonians and the hittites and he had 700 wives and 300 concubines

41:53 and his wives turned away his heart for it was so when Solomon was old that his wives turned his heart after other gods and his heart was not loyal to the Lord his God as was the heart of his father David I can only say I say it carefully that while some will argue that leaders do not have any responsibility to set the moral tone of the nation or of a city, that just runs cross-current with the scripture. Leadership is nothing more than who we are and then what we do. I have discussions sometimes with my physicians where I go over this issue, and some of them say, it doesn't matter how you live as long as you can govern in a good way. But we know better, don't we? Morality is important. And when we look to find people to represent us in the government process, one of the things we need to know a little bit about is what kind of people are they? Do they represent us well? And will they be good role models for our children as they're growing up, looking to leadership themselves? Those are the two most controversial, probably, probably, so you can all kind of take a deep breath now and we'll go on with the rest of this message. Let me talk with you for a moment about rulers and wise counsel. Proverbs 15, 22 says

43:22 this, without counsel, plans go awry, but in the multitude of counselors, they are established. Proverbs 11, 14 adds, where there is no counsel, the people fall, but in the multitude of counselors, there is safety. Proverbs 24, 6 says, for by wise counsel, you will wage your own war. And in a multitude of counselors, there is safety. And Proverbs 20, 18 says, plans are established by counsel, by wise counsel, wage war. We need leaders who will not act unilaterally, but will get all the counsel they can get and act wisely. How important it is when deciding upon a leader to know what kind of people he gathers around himself, what kind of people he entrusts to be his counselors. Because through counsel, leadership is guaranteed. But when there is no counsel, we have only the wisdom of one person. And how many of you already know, as wise as you are, that sometimes you make wrong decisions? The safety comes in the multiplication of counselors who understand the truth. Let's talk for a minute about rulers and the weak and the poor. This is a very interesting proverb. Proverbs 28.15 says, As a roaring lion and a ranging bear, so is a wicked ruler over the poor people. And 29.14 says,

44:52 The king who judges the poor with truth, his throne will be established forever. I think we ought to ask some questions about our leaders. How do they deal with the poor? poor how do they care for those who are not as fortunate as we may be that's a good little checkpoint according to the book of proverbs how does the king deal with those who are poor let's talk about rulers and wickedness this also comes from the book of proverbs chapter 11 verses 10 and 11 when it goes well with the righteous the city rejoices and when the wicked perish there is jubilation by the blessing of the upright the city is exalted but it is overthrown by the mouth of the wicked. Proverbs 20 and verse 8 says, a king who sits on the throne of judgment scatters all evil with his eyes. Get that picture clearly. That a righteous king can scatter evil by his very presence, by his persona, by his very eyes can he scatter evil. There is no more powerful tool in the hand of Almighty God than a righteous man who is doing the right thing. The Bible says says that a ruler who is righteous can have an impact on his culture. Proverbs 25, verse 5 says, Take away the wicked from before the king, and his throne will be established in righteousness. Let's talk for a moment about rulers and integrity. Now we're getting back into the controversial again.

46:22 17.7 says it this way, Excellent speech is not becoming to a fool, much less lying lips to a prince 29 4 says the king establishes the land by justice but he who receives bribes overthrows it 29 12 says if a ruler pays attention to lies all of his servants become wicked if ever there was a need for credibility and integrity in government it's today Thomas Jefferson once said the whole art of government consists in being honest and it's sad to say that this has been so violated over the years that honesty and political involvement almost seemed like antonyms almost seemed like opposite almost seems like to talk about somebody who is in the political realm and is honest is hard to understand and hard to explain. I'm happy to say that there are many in our own government who deal with issues honestly, but it is one of the most important ingredients for a leader in the world of business, in the world of government, and in the world of sports. Whatever world you're looking at, if you can find somebody who is honest, I've told people, if you can start with the truth, you've got some place to go. But if you can't start with the truth, you've got no place to go.

47:49 So honesty and integrity is very important. When we look at our culture today, it's so interesting because we even have words that defy this. Who can put a spin on what happened? Who can embellish it to such a degree that it's favorable to the person they represent? Why not let us just let it be? Let your yea be yea and your nay be nay. Why do we have to spin it? And you know, it's not just in the political realm. Pastors and preachers and evangelists have been known to exaggerate sometimes when they talk about statistics. We have to be real careful we don't do that. I remember hearing about two pastors who were talking to one another and they were trying to explain this. And one guy said, if I lie about my statistics and you know that I'm lying about my statistics and I know that you know that I'm lying about my statistics, isn't that like telling the truth?

48:46 No. I don't think so. I don't think so. Honesty is discarded in our present age, isn't it? Pushed away like it was unimportant. People lie about the age of their children in order to get them by on half fare. High schools and colleges have to set up special programs to deal with the cheating factor we have government by deceit business by fraud education by deception and we're learning that a person who will lie in one instance cannot be trusted in another there is never an excuse for deception honesty is always the best way and for a Christian leader for someone in government honesty is not only the best policy it's the only policy so those are just a few little things from the book of proverbs for us to look at when we think about now who do I want representing me in the government but this is not a one-edged sword this is a double-edged sword because the proverbs also tell us how we're to respond not just how the rulers are to respond we talk about that but what are we to do how are we to act let's talk about when we deal with authorities what should our response being first of all we should be be truthful it says in proverbs 16 13 that righteous lips are the delight of the king and they love him who speaks what is right now you probably wonder how do i ever speak to the

50:14 king how do i ever speak to the government you speak with your taxes don't you you speak with how you deal honestly with the things that have been entrusted to you ray stedman who is now with the lord but was a wonderful pastor here on the west coast for many years confessed that he often struggled with the issue of taxes he said you have a right of course as everyone else does to protest injustice and to correct abuse but don't be forever grumbling about the taxes you have to pay i've had to learn some lessons on this myself he said the first time i had to pay income tax was when he was first starting in the ministry and he said his income was so low for such a long time he didn't have to pay any taxes but gradually it caught up and he had to pay and he said i remember how i resented it in fact when i sent my tax form and i addressed it to the infernal revenue service he said they never answered but they cashed my check the next year i addressed it to the eternal revenue service but he said i've repented from all those sins and now i hope to pay my taxes cheerfully. The United States government has what they call a conscience fund for people who want to pay their debts to the government and remain anonymous. Some city governments have a similar fund, and I read recently about a city that had investigated some tax frauds and announced that several citizens were going to be indicted.

51:40 They did not release the names of the citizens, but that week a number of people visited the city hall to straighten out their taxes and more than half of them were not on the indictment list so just a little bit of conscience and things get straightened out we're to be truthful as citizens were to be respectful i need to talk about this for just a moment because i think sometimes as christians we violate this we violate it because we're not in favor of the people who are over us in government please remember that these words were not written they do not always apply to peaceful government we're to be respectful of our rulers because of the office 24 21 and 22 says my son fear the lord and the king do not associate with those given to change for their calamity will rise suddenly and who knows the ruin these two can bring 1615 says in the light of the king's face his life and his favor like a cloud of the latter rain justin martyr lived in a time of great persecution between 100 and 165 and the government was very corrupt and one time he wrote in an open letter to those in authority over him these words an open letter to the government listen to what he said everywhere we more readily than all men endeavor to pay to those appointed by you the taxes

53:09 both ordinary and extraordinary as we have been taught by Jesus we worship only God but in other things we will gladly serve you acknowledging you as kings and rulers of men and praying that with your kingly power you may be found to possess also sound judgment an open letter to the the government that ought to be the spirit of every christian rather than railing and we go through our list of jokes and all the things that we do to ridicule those who are in authority we ought to find the common ground where we can obey in absolute submission and respect and declare our allegiance and our loyalty to the government because christians have throughout history been known to be the best citizens in any culture culture. We're to be patient, says the word of God. 2515 says, by long forbearance, a ruler is persuaded and a gentle tongue breaks a bone. Sometimes we try to get things changed. I'll tell you what, when you're trying to get things changed or when you're trying to get things approved, you got to have patience. That's one of the great virtues of a Christian, to be patient. Doesn't happen overnight. You've got to wait. You've got to be patient and gently deal with the issues that come the bible says that when you're dealing with the government patience is a very important virtue yeah and i'll tell you one thing you will learn it if you haven't already

54:37 i one of the first things i learned when i moved to california was patience i never stood in so many lines in my life growing up in the little village of cedarville ohio but in san diego you stand in line to get into restaurants to eat in restaurants to pay your bill in a restaurant it's It's all very interesting. And patience is a quality that the Bible speaks about a lot, and it's very important for us as we've learned today. We will continue our discussion tomorrow on powering up the wise, and I want you to be with us as we conclude this discussion from the book of Proverbs. Men and women, when you study Proverbs, you study it with a pencil and a pad, and you write down the scriptures that speak about the same things, and you collect the Proverbs together. that's what we've done in this series and we want you to be a part of it going forward in the month of August hey have a great day and I'll see you next time right here on this good station for the next edition of turning point

55:38 Voz 6 For more information on Dr. Jeremiah's series, Powerful Principles from Proverbs, please visit our website where we also offer two free ways to help you stay connected. Our monthly magazine, Turning Points, and our daily email devotional. Sign up today at davidjeramiah.org slash radio. That's davidjeramiah.org slash radio. Or call us at 800-947-1993. Ask for your copy of David's inspiring new book, God's Heart for Israel. It's yours for a gift of any amount. You can also purchase the Jeremiah Study Bible in the English Standard, New International, and New King James versions, complete with notes and articles from Dr. Jeremiah's decades of study. Get all the details when you visit our website, davidjeremiah.org. This is David Michael Jeremiah. Join us tomorrow as we continue powerful principles from Proverbs on Turning Point with Dr. David Jeremiah.

56:42 Voz 1 This is Dave Howard with the Voice of Truth's wake-up call, sponsored by Foxhole Ministries. What do you believe is the most important aspect of being a Christian? Will you agree with me and say that that is being a disciple of Christ? Then who are the disciples of Christ? Could we say simply, disciples of Christ, without fail, are doers for Christ? disciples look for opportunities to speak truth into spiritual darkness because without speaking into evil or wrongdoing is failing to honor our commission from Christ are we not all commissioned to go out and make disciples how could we possibly be a disciple of Christ without being able to speak into the darkness of mankind if we fail to do that are we living as Christians because we are are not investing our time into spirit-driven discipleship? Is that our main number one duty? Is failing to honor our commission to go out and make disciples, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit? Is that living in a self-designed helplessness? Because we know without the power of the Holy Spirit of truth being spoken into darkness, we are hopelessly unprepared to stand against evil. Isn't it true that people that try to live in

58:11 their comfort zone, they do a lot of thinking, some learning, but very little doing? Do they then pat themselves on the back because they are living comfortably? Jesus said in Luke 9, 23, Disciples of Christ are to carry their own cross. Can this be done if we are living in our comfort zone. Well, the question we need to ask ourselves is this, what do we have to do to carry our own cross? Well, the first thing we need to learn to do after our new birth is to understand we will disturb the peace of evil by acting and speaking Christ's truth into their darkness, and we are to do this with as much grace as is possible. Once we are disciples of Christ, do we not become become peacemakers? Didn't Jesus say in Matthew 5, 9 to 12, blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be sons of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Yes, that is true. Then the question remains, are we strong enough to be a peacemaker or are we weak? And we have to know the truth is the weak cannot be strong. We will We'll continue with this tomorrow. If you enjoyed the Voice of Truth's wake-up call, would you consider becoming a partner with us?

59:33 Voz 2 Learn more about who we are on our website, foxholeministry.com,

59:37 Voz 1 and then click on the Partner With Us tab to make your monthly donation.

59:42 Voz 2 14.10 a.m.

59:43 Voz 4 Real.

59:44 Voz 5 The problems that we have in California,

59:46 Voz 2 there's tacit understandings among these liberals that are absolutely out of sync with normal, rational reasoning. Deep.